Phantom Love


It recently occurred to me that I am not the only one dating while still harboring feelings of lust, almost love for someone else. Walking around in the Phantom Love Daze, dating other people just killing time until our Phantom Love returns or we meet someone new, someone so incredible that they jolt us from our daze.

It was only after a guy I had dated a few times confided in me that he was still in love with his ex that I re-examined my thoughts on the subject. I nicknamed him The Fox. What can I say, he was cute and mischievous just like a fox. Before you condemn him, we had only been on a few dates. We didn’t sleep together and, after all, he was only being honest and forthright. Don’t ask me why he confided this – I just seem to have that affect on people. In the end, we went our separate ways but remained friends.

Surely I thought the Fox and I were the exception. Everyone else is sitting at home mourning their lost loves and lusts patiently and painfully until they are emotionally ready to date again. We were the only two selfish individuals on the planet dating while still hung up on someone else. So I thought…

A few weeks after my conversation with the Fox, I spoke to a good friend in LA. We dated on and off and ended up just being friends (no benefits). His nickname is Baby, because he was a baby in almost every sense of the word. I remember coming up with his nickname while walking home with him from my local Hollywood and Vine Starbucks one morning. Mid stride I screamed it, “Baby! That’s your nickname! OMG, it’s perfect! Not Baby like Babe, (I clarified). Baby as in newborn baby because you are no different than a real life baby!” He loves sleep more than anyone I’ve ever met. As a matter of fact, if given the choice between sex or sleep he would choose sleep every time. Aside from his strict bedtime, his whole life seemed to revolve around a regimented schedule including feeding every two to three hours. I should also mention that babies can be cute and lovable and he definitely has his moments.

Baby is single and actively dating and I wanted to know if he too was pining away for a Phantom Love. I should mention Baby is one of the most sensible levelheaded people I know and that’s probably why we didn’t work out.

“Of course I am, you know I am…don’t you remember Nice Girl?!” Baby reminded me. I had forgotten about Nice Girl but that’s right, we had spent many nights talking about her. He knew she was wrong for him, actually I take that back, he knew he was wrong for her but still couldn’t seem to shake her. I have a feeling he compares every girl he dates to her.

The more I think about it, the more I realize most of the people I know are dating to get over someone or just to keep themselves occupied until their Phantom Love finds their way back.

Are we all just dating to distract ourselves?


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I was working for a Fortune 35 Company for I'm living my dream, traveling the world, meeting new people, and sharing it all.

Free Spirit, Substance, Thrill Seeker, Sarcasm, Well Read, Spontaneous,
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